Bucolic

Photo by Milad Fakurian

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At the top of the hill lies the center of the world. From there, you can see everything: the village nestled on the slopes, the medieval church, the river below with its little Roman bridge, the hay carts and the flocks passing slowly, just like the hay carts and flocks from a thousand years ago.

There, sheltered beneath the branches of an old ash tree thick with saplings and roots, we hear the following dialogue:

– My life was cowardly, weak, miserably lived…

– Why do you say such things?

– Because I’ve always been a coward, a weak man, a miserable one…

– Don’t say such ugly things…

– But you, my child, you can have a different fate!

– What do you mean, Grandpa?

– You can look into my eyes and see what you don’t want for yourself, glimpse yourself now in a future time…

– But Grandpa, how can you believe what you just said? You’ve always been kind to everyone.

– I killed all my dreams, turned away from every woman for fear they would turn away from me, ignored the warnings, dismissed good advice, believed myself old at every stage of my life…

In the end, I wasn’t even able to put an end to the terrible remorse that eats me alive!

– What do you mean by that?

– You know… Ending everything…

– Grandpa!

– But you are different, my child! I’m telling you, a different fate awaits you. I’m telling you to go! Go while the shadow of your own feet is not yet heavy enough to drag you down, nor strong enough to turn your head back… Go, and never look behind you!

The clouds drift up above. The hill is gentle, like the curve of a fruit. All who love a good story know how vain words can be—and how fond they are of a fine pastoral setting.

“Never look behind you!”

Indeed, when walking forward, one must never turn back. It is a universal truth.

The Great Wave

The Great Wave. Hokusai, 1831

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There are times when we are overtaken by a kind of fatigue that scatters everything we cherish, as though it were cutting down at the root the very trunk of our emotions. We feel ourselves swaying inwardly, intoxicated by an unrelenting paralysis, sleepwalking through a temporary death, felled by what the elders call ennui, what the poets name acedia, what psychiatrists term slackness, or, more commonly, indistinctly, sorrow, depression, boredom.

When we are swallowed by this wave — and it is impossible not to recall the one Hokusai painted, devouring the poor fishing boats off Kanagawa — there is very little left to us, almost nothing, as though we lingered in an existence of ashes and silence.

And yet, along the great voyage of days and years, a few scraps of miracle remain. After the fatigue, the torpor, the stillness, there always follows a season of radiant openings of the soul. In it, as a flame rekindles among half-extinguished embers in the hearth, the meaning of existence is lit again, the thread of words, the glint of joy. It is the most wondrous time in our lives: the moment when the Self and Faith are rediscovered.

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João Ricardo Lopes is a contemporary Portuguese poet and writer.

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